I like the way it hurts

 

 

Eminem's video "I Love the way you lie" has received considerable flak from several critics who feel that it glorifies domestic abuse in households. In the video, actors Megan Fox and Dominic Monaghan reenact Eminem's own abusive relationship with his wife. Feminists are angered with Rihanna's response to the abuse (herself a victim of violence by Chris Brown), where she loved the "way it hurts", and still remains in the abusive relationship.

I follow up from my previous post on family violence, with the feminist perspective that violence represents an issue of power and control where physical dominance and cultural clout is used to subjugate the oppressed gender. As much as there are elements of power and control, I think eminem's video brings in the idea that the violence and turmoil in relationships is as much an interactional process where the patterns of violence tends to continue. 

The feminist perspective may not be able to fully explain why the violence still occurs when resources are linked to victims of spousal violence, or why the perpetrator in question only displays violent behaviour in his personal family setting but remains a nice guy in his relationship with his women colleagues. It may not fully explain why some victims fall back into violent relationships in spite of empowerment based psychoeducation, and counselling. Interventive approaches to domestic violence based on this approach is also questionable, as men may feel threatened by the framework which labels them as "oppressors", hindering the mandatory counselling processes. Some interventions may inadvertantly work the couple towards separation and divorce without addressing the interactional processes that lead to violence. 

Eminem's video highlights the issues underlining family violence, which is a pattern both participants are both locked in. It is as much as difficult for the victim, as well as the perpetrator, to break this cycle of violence.

As usual, I add my disclaimer here: I'm not saying that women are to be blamed for the violence, in fact we may need to move as far away as possible from this concept of blame altogether. We may need to look at violence within the context, and the situations and patterns where they occur, and how issues of violence permeate within the lives of the couple intergenerationally.

However, we should also not rush towards denouncing the feminist perspective. Through an integrative approach (especially important since we say that as workers, we are working within a person in environment framework), we have to understand conflict theory issues of how our clients are subjected to oppression within society's framework, and advocate for changes to protect the rights of the oppressed. But we also acknowledge order perspective ideas of working with individuals and families in addressing issues and problematic interactional patterns, to help our clients in the best way possible. Theories have to fit client's issues, not vice versa. 

 

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