"It's Not easy Being Different"

 

Loofy! Picture courtesy of Farid

My dear wife and I recently purchased a pet Skinny Pig, which essentially is a hairless variety of a Guinea Pig. Contrary to its name, the rodent has no geneological links to the porcine version, although its physical appearance may prove otherwise. Our little Skinny Pig, named Loofy, who initially weirded us out with its very different appearance from the other cuddly and furry animals in the pet shop, eventually warmed us to its timid and adorable disposition and of course, cuteness in appearance and touch. 

 

The responses from families and friends regarding the physical appearance of Loofy prompted my wife to exclaim, "It's not easy being different", a statement that would probably ring through for many of us, who have been chastised or viewed differently due to a unique aspect that makes up who we are.

It is indeed, not easy, being different. This is why most of us try to hide our respective "differences", with the hope of being able to be accepted by a group. Certain things can be easily hidden by the clothes we wear, or the makeup we put on our faces. They can be easily hidden through training oneself to behave in a way that would generally be acceptable. 

Only when some measure of trust is obtained with a certain person or group of person,  can we then allow some aspects of this "uniqueness" manifest progressively, and this is when we say that we can "truly be ourselves" when amongst such trusted company. Indeed, one would say that a true friend of life partner is one who is able to accept and understand our individual idiosyncracies without harsh judgement. 

But for some of us, our unique aspects may not be so easily hidden to enable group acceptance. For some, such traits would be considered disruptions to the group's social norms. Such disruptions, according to Erving Goffman (1949), would the subject of practical jokes, and embarassments against the different individuals. 

To what extent to we reflect on the immediate judgements and impressions that we give others, and what leeway to we give ourselves the opportunity to understand the other person better? This, is something I have struggled with. Fortunately or unfortunately, I have had experiences on each side of the coin. I have, at several points in my life, been the person struggling to keep up to social norms to be accepted amidst discrimination.

And yet, I have also regrettably been on the other side, a member of a socially desirable group which had ostracised and embarrased specific individuals due to their unique physical traits or behaviours. I frequently ponder on those aspects of my life that I am not proud of, and wonder about any long term affects of my behaviour, and whether I am at any position to change anything in the past. But I guess the past is the past, we take the stories that teach us to be better persons and move on. 

Possibly, the lesson to be learnt, is to reflect on our own behaviours and actions, and how we can "walk in another's shoes", to understand our differences better. On the other side, how can we also reflect on whether such discriminations are actually oppressive, or could they be due to personality traits that we can actually change so that we do not disrupt the harmony and progress of the group? It is a thin line between Difference being good and ok; and Difference being a negative influence.

 Eventually such discriminations do happen, but how can both sides  be able to reflexively ponder on what is actually happening, and what essentially is making up this "difference". In the end, perhaps, we can all try to get along just that little bit better. 

Thank you little Loofy for making me ponder. I accept your physical difference, because you are such a darling timid little rodent. 

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