DO NO HARM

The "Act Like a Man" Box

 

 

My wife, recently came up with this song for our Fikri:

Strawberry Shortcake, Blueberry Pie,

When you're feeling sad, its ok to cry

When you are done crying

Wipe away your tears

It's time to get moving

Time to face your fears!

Yay!! (followed by exaggerated facial expressions of joy and insane clapping).

I simply love this rhyme she created.

Narrative Responses to Children's Trauma

 

Angel Yuen (2007) proposes the exploration of responses to trauma as opposed to delving too much into the effects of the said trauma in children's lives. The re-experiencing of a traumatic event may actually re-traumatise the persons we work with and may not necessarily be a collaborative agenda for intervention. 

My 1st Ever Birthday Message

Hi Everyone!

 

Today is my first ever Birthday! I might not know it now, but I would think that I am pretty proud of having survived it out here so far. Some adults (including my Dad and Mom) tell me that this world could be a hard place to live in. I'm not too sure about that - I've been happy getting my regular hugs and kisses from my loved ones, and a regular supply of milk really helps! So, since its my first birthday (and I've gotten plenty of gifts), I thought I might be helpful to you adults by sharing 4 tips I found useful during the last 12 months. They certainly helped me, and also helped me spread cheer into the lives of my Mom, Dad, my two Grannies, Grandpa, Aunts and Uncles

Signposts: Building better Behaviour in Children Part 2: Giving children effective instructions

Some ideas to increase the likelihood that your child will do as asked.

Plan your instructions

1. How important is the instruction?

Is the action something the child really must do, or can your child choose whether to do it? If it is not desirable that your child has a choice, then you have to give a direct instructioni.

Signposts: Building better Behaviour in Children Part 1

I'm currently undergoing some training to be a qualified facilitator of the Signposts programme, which is a programme that originated from Victoria, Australia, designed to provide support to parents to build better behaviours in their children. From the little I know about the programme, Signposts focuses on behavioural interventions to increase positive behaviours and decrease negative ones, preferring positive reinforcement methods such as using rewards and praise. At the same time consequences are utilised as negative reinforcement to reduce incidences of negative behaviour. Being strengths oriented, parents are encouraged to identify strengths in their children, and work more towards increasing positive behaviours in their children as opposed to relying too much on negative reinforcements to reduce certain behaviours. 

Parenting Guidelines for the Building of Attachment

 

From Hughes, D. (1998). Building the Bonds of Attachment: Awakening love in deeply troubled children. 

 

 

 

Attitude

1. Accepting
2. Curious
3. Empathic
4. Loving Playful

To facilitate the CAPACITY FOR FUN AND LOVE

1. Affective Attunement
2. Maintain Attitude
3. Eye contact, smiles, touch, hugs, rocking, movement, food
4. Regression: Nurturing experiences
5. Emotional availability in times of stress
6. Surprises
7. Holding your child
8. Reciprocal enjoyable activities
9. Reciprocal expression of thoughts and feelings
10. Humor and gentle teasing
11. Basic safety and security
12. Opportunities to imitate parents
13. Spontaneous discussions of past and future
14. Routines and rituals to develop a mutual history

 

To facilitate EFFECTIVE DISCIPLINE (shame reduction and skill development)

1. Set and maintain your favoured emotional tone, not your child's
2. Maintain attitude
3. Accept thoughts, feelings and behaviours of child
4. Provide natural and logical consequences
5. Be predictable in your attitude, and less predictable in your consequences
6. Reattune following shame-inducing experiences
7. Regression: Structuring experiences
8. Interrupt cycles of resistance: mom time
9. Use paradoxical responses
10. Use permission, thinking, practicing, having restrictions, being supervised
11. Employ periodic anger (60 seconds scolding) not habitual anger or scolding
12. Clarify for all concerned that it is the child's problem not your problem
13. Use the child's anger to build a stronger connection
14. Establish discipline as simply one part of a healthy attachment cycle
15. Be in charge, but also be attuned to the affect of your child
16. Greatly limit your child's ability to hurt you, either physically or emotionally

 

Can we pretend if..

 

Was listening to Eminem in the song Airplanes part 2 (Featuring B.O.B and Hayley Williams), and as usual was surprised at how the lyrics made me think:

"allright lets pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen
lets pretend things would have been no different
pretend he procrastinated had no motivation
pretend he just made excuses that were so paper thin they could blow away with the wind
marshall you’re never gonna make it makes no sense to play the game there ain’t no way that you’ll win

pretend he just stayed outside all day and played with his friends
pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend
and it wasn’t time to move and schools were changing again
he wasn’t socially awkward and just strange as a kid
he had a father and his mother wasn’t crazy as sh-t
and he never dreamed he could rip stadiums and just lazy as sh-t
f-ck a talent show in a gymnasium ***** you won’t amount to sh-t quit daydreaming kid
you need to get your cranium checked you thinking like an alien it just ain’t realistic
now pretend they ain’t just make him angry with this sh-t and there was no one he could even aim when he’s pissed it
and his alarm went off to wake him off but he didn’t make it to the rap Olympics slept through his plane and he missed it
he’s gon’ have a hard time explaining to Hailey and Laney these food stamps and this WIC sh-t
cuz he never risked **** he hopes and he wished it but it didn’t fall in his lap so he ain’t even here
he pretends that…" - Eminem

 

Explicit words aside, I was reflecting on the part of his song where he commiserated on how he might not have made it if he had lived a "Normal" life. Life challenges were the factors that made him who he was, and made him the successful man he is today.

Which also makes me wonder: as Social Workers, parents, leaders, etc, are we too obsessed with creating a "safe" culture where we focus on protecting clients/children/colleagues from the various stressors that they may face. We create systems and purchase luxuries for our children so that they would live better lives than we experienced, protecting them from bullies, school work, etc. 

But perhaps it is such challenges that would make them stronger. The need to think of strategies and alternatives at the developmental key points in their lives, which would give them the necessary skills to face future challenges, and face adversity with courage. 

Then, as social workers, how can we empower our clients towards finding strengths in the face of difficulty.

So that they come out better from it. 

 

Cobra Bubbles

Here's an interesting take on social workers from the Lilo and Stitch Movie! (sorry about the Fandubbing, can't seem to find any original footage from Youtube)

 

 

Here in Singapore, there isn't much of the stereotype of the big bad social worker coming down to take away your children if you don't care about them, simply because social workers here do not have any mandate to just take your children away. Social workers here work with the Child Protection Officers under the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) to ensure that the children's safety needs are in place.

 

Raise GREAT Children.

Had the opportunity to attend a Parenting talk yesterday (No I'm not planning for a child anytime soon). This particular talk was by an invited speaker: Frank Kros, the President of the Upside Down organisation in the USA, an organisation dedicated to change mindsets to improve the lives of chidren and youths. Organised by CARE (Children At Risk Empowerment Association) Singapore, the talk brought up 7 strategies on how you can raise great children, based on discoveries and evidence from research in Neuroscience. 

They F***ed You Up?

This is right from the gut

It's sometimes heart wrenching and oftentimes sad to observe children become the greatest casualties amidst the crossfire between their parents. As Social Workers, we want to deconstruct the situation within its context through understanding the intergenerational patterns of transmission of values, societal pressures, lack of fit in environmental systems, problematic interactional patterns etc.