STOREEZ

Crafting Alternative Stories about Others

 

It is easy for us to start dismissing and disliking people. We do it by ascribing labels on behaviours we find upsetting. The problem with labels is that, once placed, we start to be blind to the range of behaviours or state- of-being that lie outside the label's "sphere of influence" (for want of a better word).

Labels can be infectious. Although we tell ourselves that we are going to know the person first before following the label, we are inevitably affected. The moment we see a behaviour that may fit the label, the person's future in our mental schema is set. Perhaps the first step is to acknowledge that labelling occurs as opposed to telling ourselves that we would not be influenced by it.

I am no stranger to this experience, and still very much struggle to see people beyond their labels. However, in my personal experiences, some of my greatest friendships have been made with people whom I had disliked and labelled, but stumbled into accidental ways of knowing different aspects of the person that connected with me.

 

As I reflected on this accidental turning points in these meaningful and enduring relationships, I thought about possible meaningful relationships I could have made with others who were dismissed by the labels I made of them. How then, can we intentionally make effort towards opening up possibilities for meaningful relationships in life situations where labelling is entrenched?

The 4 Chemicals of Happiness

In his book "Leaders eat Last" , Simon Sinek talks about the 4 main chemicals that fuel happiness. This was discussed in the video I posted earlier. The chemicals are Endorphins, Dopamine, Serotonin and Oxytocin. 

Practicing what you Preach

As a social worker, a great deal of self reflection is required in order to assess myself (and maintain my sanity) and contemplate on the simple mantra of Practicing what you Preach. Many a times, we take the position of the expert, passing down certain information based on our theoretical assessments on what should probably be the right thing to do. These beliefs and values are based on our own experiences as well as based on theoretical evidence that probably has been researched upon. 

The Problem with "If Only"s (and "What if"s)

 

Was speaking to one of my clients the other day, where he was talking about the regrets in his life, and how his life could have been much much better "if only" he had done one specific action differently. At the moment he said this, a host of other memories of discussions with other clients and my own personal network of friends started to flood in.

Who am I?

 

When I say, "I am Fareez", who or what exactly am I referring to? Am I referring to this body? The body's cells die and change regularly, and are formed anew within the course of time. If you replace all the legs of the table one at a time, and then the top part of the table, would it still be the same table? 

Transcript: Conversations with the wife

Me: Oh man, I can't see nuts in this heavy rain!!

Wifey: Drive carefully dear...

Me: Is it me, or is it smokey outside? 

Wifey: Yeah it looks like the whole place is fogging up.

Me: Must be the factories in the area, or is there a fire somewhere? I can't even see anything. Is the whole world coming to an end!?

Wifey: (rubs the window) Looks like the fog is inside the car.

Me: Eh? Yeah actually it is. I switched off the aircon, which explains why the air molecules inside the car is condensing against the cool glass windows of the car: the temperature inside the car being warmer than the temperature outside, an anomaly in a normally hot and humid country such as equatorially positioned Singapore (Fine, I didn't actually say those words, but they would have been super smart to say at that point of time, don't you think?)

Wifey: You're so smart my dear hubby! (ok, she didn't actually say that either, though I'm sure she meant to say it). So all this time the poor visibility is not due to what's happening outside, but actually inside the car. 

Me: Yeah man. What a Stoopid I have been. Blaming it on a fog outside.

Wifey: I guess sometimes we tend to see so many problems and blame them on things happening on the outside....

But sometimes, the problem lies within.

 

Mindfulness Vs Mindlessness

 

Ellen Langer (1986) in her book "Mindfulness" talks about cognitive states of mindfulness as opposed to mindlessness. Mindfulness is a cognitive state where one would be flexible enough to be aware of the environment and situation she finds herself in. When being mindful, she would be sensitive to the context of the situation at hand and respond differently to different situations. She would actively take note of any new things in the situation.

Questions Questions

 

 

There are times where you feel like a plastic bag tossed about in the wind, meandering about with the other floating whatnots.

What is our purpose in the grand scheme of things? 

How to go about conducting social action against what might be happening naturally within this "grand scheme"?

What exactly is "natural" or not in this grand scheme anyway?

What's the purpose of MY life?

What's the purpose of me writing this blog anyway? 

Does what I do even matter?

And why oh why oh why,

do men have nipples?

 

Questions questions questions.... 

 

“Every clarification breeds new questions.”

Arthur Bloch

All Boxed Up

 

Are we doing ourselves justice in the quest for specialisation and professionalisation? If we stay rooted in just one path, we develop a deep sense of passion and conviction on the way we do things, and we may become experts in a certain field. But I sometimes wonder whether this pursuit of singular goals will just box us up in a certain rigid perspective which makes us blind to the perspectives of others. We turn esoteric, and turn a high and mighty eye to the dialogues and ideas of others, and worse of all, we do it unconsciously. Yes, it happens to Social Workers, but don't blame us for it, as I see Teachers, Doctors, and other professionals fall into such traps. 

How do we prevent it? Some sense of humility perhaps, to be able to accept that sometimes, all of us can be wrong, and being open to the views of others, inside or outside your profession. Humility is but a philosophy we can adopt to promote consciousness building, or expand our "map" of the territory. However, we need to seek the environment to nurture that expansion. 

What am I saying exactly?

Get out of that damn box, try other passions, gain new experiences, learn and appreciate new cultures, try something outside your element: Jump of a plane, dive in the deep blue sea. 

Then perhaps you may just begin to appreciate the awareness of other realms of perspectives, make yourself a better person, to help yourself, before we  start helping others. 

Stop to Smell the Roses

 

I remember days where soccer everyday was the norm after school. I look forward to meeting friends in school every single day. I look forward to going for the National Police Cadet Corps (NPCC) because after all the marching and pretending to do important things, we will get to play soccer.