STOREEZ

Rough Sleeper

“They tell me this place is keras, lots of Jinn and ghosts around,” Rosli started, opening his cracked lips take a long drag of his rolled-up cigarette.

“But I tell them this is all bullshit. I got sleep under trees, near the toilet. Even Sembawang park, near the Mandai Crematorium, nothing also. No Pontianak or Pochong, and I can sleep very well. Actually, nothing to be afraid of la. Even if we see all these beings, why do we need to be afraid? We are better off than them! We can walk around in this world and touch our feet on this ground, feel the air, and breathe.

“These beings, they should be jealous of us, because they are stuck in between this world or the next. If they can walk in this world, you would see them walking around in the day, right? Why should we be scared of them then? So funny to see people afraid of things they never see before, but life is like that right? Some more, some of these people are those who pray regularly.

Caterpillar Dreams

 

She wriggles

slowly with perseverance 

up and down

the bumpy  road

 

She wriggles

carefully with intent

in and out 

avoiding the webs and trappings

of fixed assumptions

 

She weaves 

with confidence

the threads of diversity

Diversity

of beings and identities. 

Doing Good

 

I was enjoying my usual Sunday game of Floorball, and was preparing to leave the courts in Kallang area, when I saw a fellow floorballer (you might want to google floorball if you are not sure what this sport is about) leaving the area.

Thinking of wanting to do some good, I called out to him and found out that since he was going to the MRT train station, I could give him a lift.

What I didn't realise however, was how different the area now was, with the spanking new Sports Hub being recently opened and all. I managed to get myself lost in a sequence of multiple roundabouts, and almost entered the expressway.

I was rather apologetic to the guy, and he was really nice about it. After some discussion i realised that the station was actually nearer to the floorball court area than I previously though, a u turn and another sequence of roundabouts later, we finally found a place that he could alight. Unfortunately he still had to walk some distance to the station.

He was really nice about it, thanked me and got on his way. As I sat in my car, partly due to my strained thighs, but mostly to reflect on what happened, I thought a bit of some "life lessons" I could draw from this incident:

To my son

 

Dear Fikri,

Your arrival was nothing short of a miracle. In fact, I stood in stunned silence as I witnessed the incredible process of which you were squeezed out of your dear mother. And your mother, how much awe I suddenly had of her (not that there wasn't much awe to begin with), which culminated into the current profound respect I have of women now. 

I held you in my arms, toying with internal schemas and dilemmas of possible future events at this current new transition point of my life. Seeing you so vulnerable, made me want so much to make damn sure that nothing hurts you. I remembered my own trials and tribulations, and hoped so much that you would not have to go through what I went through. The world can indeed be a harsh place, with dubious personas wielding multiple agendas. 

But then I remembered: its true these things hurt, but they were lessons to learn. The cuts make us stronger, and the wounds make us wiser. Provided we forgive and love ourselves to heal. And although some characters are suspect, there are people who are so beautiful that we would miss whatever warmth and knowledge they can provide us if we do not open our hearts to them. 

It would be a disfavour to protect you from the harsh realities of transitions and potential heartbreaks. What I can only promise, is to be there to wipe your tears, and (still tentative) attempt to give you a manly hug during those rainy days. What I might do better might be to wrestle you whilst my body allows me to. 

What I can offer you, if you so choose to hear, is some "fatherly advice" learnt directly from the school of hard knocks. They might not be the 10 commandments, but they helped me through life fair enough:

 

Advice 1: Love your mother

Your mother may potentially be the most irritating person to you in the entire planet, but love her all the same. Noone will ever come close to this person who will happily clean the snot from your nose, and the poo from your behind. Noone will be so anxious about how you are doing, and whether you are wearing the right clothes at any particular time. Most of all, love your mother, as I love her, for being the better half in raising you. 

 

Advice 2: Be Uncertain

Certainty gives us blind confidence. Unquestioning loyalty may potentially lead to the abuse of power. Labels are but labels, as people transcend such compartmentalised definitions created by us. Be true to your name, and reflect on your actions and perceptions. Be surprised by people, be willing to take calculated risks. 

 

Advice 3: Whenever someone irritates you, try your best to know this person better

For this is how I made some of the best friends in the world. 

 

Advice 4: Let humour be a mainstay in your life.

How else would you be able to see the silver linings of those cloudy days? Humour will diffuse those uncomfortable silences, bring cheer to your loved ones, and help chase away the anxieties blocking your way towards solving many of life's problems. Have fun, play, it's ok to be stupid, sometimes. 

 

Advice 5: Be Humble

For your father is the most humble around (see advice 4). Humility helps remind us that good things are a blessing, and that there are others worse off than us. Humility then helps us reflect on how we can start to help others. And we should be doing that shouldn't we, helping others? 

 

Advice 6: Do stuff for the right reasons

As long as our intentions are well meaning, things will hopefully fall into place. 

 

Advice 7: Know that I love you

Last but not least. I might not show it. It might sometimes seem that I mean otherwise. I might unfortunately miss some things that you hoped I'd be around for (sorry, will try my best not to). But know that deep down inside, daddy loves his wee little boy. 

With Love

Your Daddy

Fareez

 

 

Happy New Year

I sit in the dark amidst celebrations most likely happening elsewhere, as the new year inches its way through. Indeed 2012 has been a year of many surprises and blessings, and 2013 promises of blessings to come. Like most beginnings, one can't help but reflect on the past, and how time has swept along without me noticing it much.

As my phone beeps incessantly with generic New Year wishes, I think about the relationships that matter, or mattered. How some have remained constant, whilst some have faded through the years. Of bonds that we thought could never be broken, and promises long forgotten.

I think of past deeds, the good, the bad, and the ridiculous. Then wonder how they fit into the self I am today. Did they make me the man I am, or could I have done better? 

I let my head wander in the sea of change, where the waves have brought a time where life didn't seem worth living, and yet carried me to an island made of dreams. I fiddle with the tinge of fear: that the storm might yet again come crashing into my Utopia. 

But the thoughts will settle. We let the past float away, yet not too far so we may still learn from this flotsam of experience. Beautiful memories are a boon for the troubled mind, but may yet consume us the more we yearn for their embrace.

Hence we hold them with care, as we seek to carve new ones,

and carve them we shall. 

Happy New Year

Dignity?

 

I looked at my case notes again, as I compared it to what I observed to be reality. This was a referral from the local Member of Parliament, one of those we had to respond to urgently. Feelings of urgency were usually subjective; subjective to who observed the urgency, subjective to what this person was feeling when he felt this urgency. I flitted with a joke that the report writer from the Meet the People session was probably suffering from a bad bout of gas, before going back to the task at hand. 

"Old man with one leg selling tissue paper at the hawker centre. Looks like he has financial problem. Please assist, and make sure he gets the help he wants, so that he does not have to be in the streets." was the monotone message invoked by the referral. 

Little Bo Peep's Sheep

 

As the farmer was about his morning walk, he could not but help notice Little Bo Peep lingering under the shade of an orange tree.

"Hey there Little Bo Peep! Where are your sheep?" The Farmer bellowed.

Bo Peep maintained an indignant look on her face, and breathed a mousey voice:

"Not to worry. I have made special arrangements to make sure they are safe."

Same Same

Adapted from a parable from Rumi:

A Persian, a Turk, an Arab and a Greek were travelling to a distant land when they begin arguing about how to spend their one silver coin they possessed amongst the four of them.

"I want to buy Angur!" said the Persian.

"No! I want Uzum!" said the Turk.

"Oh please, none of those. We should spend it on Inab", said the Arab.

"Stafil for me!" the Greek demanded. 

The four travellers argued for sometime until a cunning linguist overheard their quarrelling. 

 

"Hoi! Stop your quarrelling, give me the coin, and I will make sure all your desires are satisfied!" He screamed at them. 

Taking the coin, he went to the nearby shop and bought four small bunches of grapes and returned to the four companions, giving them each a bunch.

"Hey, its my Angur!" Exclaimed the Persian.

"Oei?! It's my Uzum!" yelled the Turk

"You have brought me my Inab" Smiled the Arab

"No! this is Stafil in my language" said the Greek.

Suddenly the four doinks realised that they desired the same thing, only that they did not know how to express it to each other. 

SNIPPETS: A Slice of Life

 

I walked furtively in the semi darkness, as dusk slowly set in, with mild determination towards what I sought. Huddled in a corner between a closed hardware shop and the Chinese Sensei, the familiar whirling of red, blue and white lights signalled the end of my search: the Barbershop. Its stark white lights flickering avidly with the flitting shadows inside dancing and inviting me in. 

As I tentatively pushed open its doors, it was as if a portal had opened into the Singapore of the 1970s, with old posters of cover girls and singers (most of whom would be my grandmother's age by now) haphazardly arranged along the wall. Ancient sounding music lingered in the backdrop, though played by a fairly modern looking CD player planted at the corner of the room. The floor, ceramic-tiled, was cracked at various places, each crack possibly telling an interesting story of its coming to existence.

Snippets: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Many moons ago, when I was about 8 or 9, my mother was brought me to Thomson Yaohan to purchase a birthday gift for my cousin. We had our sights on purchasing the latest Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle toy for my cousin. Being the charming youngest son, I was able to convince my mother that it was only fair that I too get a toy since my cousin was getting one (This was, in actual fact, my agenda all along). Do note that this was the period where the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were all the craze (yes, I am that old). 

I had set my sights on purchasing my favourite character Raphael (the mutant turtle sporting red eyebands), and proceeded to purchase the less popular (amongst my peers) orange-garbed Michealangelo for my cousin.